a little pity party!

So have not blogged in a while mainly because i have had nothing i wanted to talk about. Things have been a bit rough on this side and i don't like blogging about the bad- i don't want to start a pity party, but after reading my friend Jen's blog i have realised that life is a pile of stinky pooh and that most people feel this right now, so i am going to tell you about mine...

I would like to find a rose among the crap but, as most of you know, when i get in a mood like this...it is hard to knock the happiness into it. To put it in context- in 2nd year i was told that "i sucked the happiness out of the room"...and i feel we might be broaching on that again.

One of the...um...issues is the THESIS! Well, i have somewhat of a supervisor but i have not officially asked her to supervise me but we are meeting next week. I have a topic that i am excited about but after a very de-motivational talk on Tuesday i do not think i will hand in in February. Now it wasn't really my plan to hand in in February but the honest truth is that i am sick and tired of being at UCT. I am tired to walking on campus and not knowing anyone, of having to do assignments i do not care about and being treated like a student. I am tired of it. I want some respect! Undergrads who think they have made it in life because they are at UCT...leave me alone and let me walk past you, you stupid inconsiderate idiots!

Back to the thesis, I am going to try and finish my proposal this weekend and then that will be a major step forward. But it is hard to fit it in- i have two courses which involve NGO work (which i love but it is hard to fit it in) and i know i am less involved this year in every regard but i feel like i have no time at all.

I feel like i have not actually seen my housemates in ages because well...i live here in theory. When i am home, i am either sleeping or working. Else i am on campus, the gym or Claredon. That's how my life goes.

Now, i am a lucky person. I have very supportive people in my life who have helped me through a lot, but right now i feel like go away from here and not having to deal with life!

So now i am going to put my earphones on, go to campus, battle to find parking, give a tut to a bunch of very ungrateful first years, and then keep on swimming...

University...time of your life...well i hate to see where it goes from here

A time of the past

There is this Jack Parrow song that talks about how much he misses things of the past- all sorts of random things about what he did when he was young. Now, i am not really a Jack Parrow fan but as i was driving home today it was playing and it encapsulated what i was thinking at that moment.

I am at home in Durban for the week and thinking about how easy the life here is- washing is done, bed made, food prepared, TV, internet. Easy life. But i know it is only easy because i am here for a week at a time in holidays. If i lived here all the time my parents would harass me about getting a job or studying more or what i was doing with my life. It would never be like it was when you were in school.

When I was in school, i would have all these benefits of home everyday and my parents knew it was normal for me to live at home, so there was little harassment- except about being out late or not studying. But i was a good child, so there was little harassment. Now that i have left home, if i had to come back here after studying or because something happened, then i would not live the good life; it would not be a normal transition for me to move home (regardless of what that new york times article said). I would not be left in peace to lounge around watching E Channel or the Disney Channel; i would be harassed about my next move, about getting a job, about pulling it back together. Maybe there would be one or two weeks of peace but it wouldn't last.

So, after coming to this realization the other day, i have realised that enjoying those homely delights on a regular daily basis is a time of the past. i will never be in that position again. Sure, i am still studying and have long holidays to come home and enjoy it, but i always know it will come to an end. Now, don't get me wrong...i am not saying i want to move home. No no no...my parents would drive me insane. What i am saying is that you should enjoy the homely life you have while you still have it- enjoy someone to look after you, because soon it will be gone and you will be out in the big bad world and you won't be able to slip back home and enjoy those years again.

So, when you hear that Jack Parrow song, listen to it and think about your youth and the things you cannot do anymore. But then there is one line where he goes something like, but if i was doing those things then i would not be doing what I am doing now and would be missing out. So i guess thats the message- we grow up and sometimes it sucks and we want to go home, but we are becoming adults who are doing bigger and better things :-)

The time of goodbyes

The world is a wonderful but horrible place. You live in a place but there are so many more to see and most people have got this curiosity to go and see all these places. It is a gift and a curse. It is a gift to have the ability to travel so easily and see so many fantastic things, but it is a curse leaving behind loved ones and saying goodbye.

Tomorrow, one of my best friends leaves for a six month (minimum) traveling trip. Lucy and I have been friends for many many years- I think it was grade 6 that we really became friends, and we have remained so through high school, university and now whatever state we are in at the moment. Tomorrow she is getting on a plane for her first overseas trip. She is going to London for a bit and then around Europe and then back to London to work for a while, and then where-ever the wind takes her. It will be a once-in-a-lift time, amazingly fantastic trip and i am so so jealous!

But now, she is the forth person since July I have said goodbye to. Hallie has gone to Taiwan, Lisa has gone off to Japan, Kate off to China (yes she was there before but then visited and then it was goodbye again) and now Lucy to London. Now all these chaps are leaving for Oxford, Cambridge, Edinburgh and all sorts. More goodbyes. And before all that, Jo left for South Korea.

It has been a heart-breaking time. I feel like my social life has shrunk but my skype list has doubled. I spend my friday nights sending emails instead of going out. I am so happy for all my friends who are off on all their adventures and I know my time will come. But it is incredibly hard to say Goodbye and think about not seeing their faces for so long.

Who knows what this life holds for us, but what I do know is that it is an adventure and you just have to go with the flow. So to all my friends reading this from all over the world, I hope you are having an amazing time...and think of me thinking about all of you :-)

twenty- somethings

Now, I am stealing the idea from my friend Jo and her blog...but i think it is a different point I am making.

There is an article...go read it. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&sq=20%20somethings&st=cse&scp=1

Now, this a quite a long article but from the begining part, all i feel is angry. We are twenty-somethings and we are confused. I have never been more confused in my life. What to do next year? Where to live? What to study? Thesis topics? the list is endless. Life is hard...and sometimes being a twenty-something sucks. I know it is lame, but sometimes i just want to be a thirty-something who is organised. Who decided on a thesis topic, wrote it, got a masters, got a job and has a family. She is put together and has her head screwed on tight. But the fact of the matter is that we are not there yet. We are young, confused people...but isn't that what being a twenty-something in this day and age means?

This article seems to think not:
"We’re in the thick of what one sociologist calls “the changing timetable for adulthood.” Sociologists traditionally define the “transition to adulthood” as marked by five milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child. In 1960, 77 percent of women and 65 percent of men had, by the time they reached 30, passed all five milestones. Among 30-year-olds in 2000, according to data from the United States Census Bureau, fewer than half of the women and one-third of the men had done so. A Canadian study reported that a typical 30-year-old in 2001 had completed the same number of milestones as a 25-year-old in the early ’70s."

Now please...tell me if i am wrong but you seem to be advocating somewhat of a rather anti- independence stance here. Things have changed! In the 1960s, you could not travel the world at the drop of a hat. I remember my dad telling me he had to take a boat to the USA and that was the first time he saw TV. There was no internet, no email, no lonely planet and definitely no teachKorea. There were two professions for women- teacher or nurse and you only did that till you got married. The number of parents who were married and had a kid by 25 is unbelievable! But is that what we are advocated now...most definitely not! Most of those moms tell us to stay young and independent...live you life...don't settle down just yet!

I am 22 years old. I have completed two of five milestones...i have failed! But i think besides my drives license the first time, that is the only thing i have failed. How many of those 25 year olds have a masters degree or even a freaking honours degree. By the time i am 30, i plan on having two masters degrees...and i think that that's okay. Now days people live to like 80 years old. So after those 30 years, i still have some time to achieve the rest. I will achieve those other three milestones. I will get 5 out of 5...but i can guarantee you that it will not be in the next 7 years.

We live in a different era. Women can do anything they want to. There are female presidents, Black presidents. There is genuine equality in most parts of the world. I can talk to my friend in Japan with the drop of a hat. I can fly across the world in 8 hours. With the click of a button I can have something delivered from 30 000km away. This is the world twenty-somethings live in. You know why we haven't achieved 5 out of 5...because there are 2 million other things we have to decide first.

So you know, New York Times...go stuff yourself! I am quite happy with my own goals and will get to yours later

can't we just escape reality for a little longer. ..

I know I have not updated this in a while and I have a lot of back-blogging to do. I need to blog about the African Schools Debating Championship, which is where I have been for the past week, and lots of other things. But right now, I just feel like blogging about all these feelings swimming around my mind and body.

I feel very sad. I was at ASDC with my lovely friends all week. It was hell at times but it was a break. To put it simply...I would leave my hotel room in a complete mess in the morning and when I returned home, it was sparkling clean with new towels and all. That is what I felt like most of the week, I would leave early in the morning tired and irritated anticipating a horrid day, and i would return home happy and filled with satisfaction that it went well and filled with happy friend feelings.

At ASDC 2009 i was an adjudicator and I made some of the best friends i have and this year at ASDC, even though i was organising it this year and was much busier, I felt like i got to rekindle those friendship with people I had not see in ages.

The nature of this competition (which i will tell you about in another blog post) is one that is unique because it brings together schools from around SA and countries from around Africa. It is a one and only event in South Africa. What really fills you with happiness is seeing the kids enjoy this event. I was head of registration which means I chose the teams and invited them. For me the African nature of the competition was more important, and i wish more countries could have come, but it is expensive to travel. But those countries and schools that did come, LOVED IT...and i know this because they told me every day. Do you know how wonderful that is! Kids who are learning and enjoying the tournament that had given you nightmares for the past 6 months; teachers and chaperons who are thanking you for this opportunities and teams who are so eager to come next year. It really makes it all worth while.

Yes, there were technical hitches and this morning was a major one where our fearless leaders decided to not be fearless and it was chaos that resulted in me nearly crying and feelings getting hurt. Not a great way to end the tournament but everyone is home safe and sound right now, which is all that counts.

So, as of 4:30 today i was feeling some sadness that it was over and i left my ASDC friends for another year, but relief that it was done, pure exhaustion for a week of nonstop work and of course fear for the reality that is waiting for me at UCT!

Now to add it all off, you all know I have been having car troubles...well they have not ended. And on my way to the airport to fetch Bontle, the car dies AGAIN and it is the clutch AGAIN and i have to get a giant yellow truck to tow me AGAIN! This time though, i was not stuck in Kramer, I was on the side of the N2 in a not-so-safe area at 5:30 meaning there was maybe an hour of sunlight left. I was angry beyond belief because i had had this exact problem fixed a week ago, fear that something terrible was going to happen while we wait, and pure and utter exhaustion for being alive. I think i can safely say i was a person there is body but not mind because i had given up...this was the last straw. I was sitting on the N2 waiting to be kid-napped/robbed/mugged in my piece-of-shit-breaking-for-the-third-time car after having a hard week and imagining a even harder one coming.

I made it home after the worlds slowest, but most helpful, AA man towed the car and then pushed it into the garage. I called my mom, cried. I called my dad, cried. And then i just cried more because i have spent this entire term dealing with car issues. I have made zero progress on my thesis, i have missed a week of class, and i have made absolutely no progress on my NGO project for my social justice class....and it is one week till the end of the first term.

So right now, I dream of leaving this place and coming back to one where all my clothes are clean, my work is done, my thesis topic is signed and sealed and my F**king piece of shit car actually works. I wish that the hotel cleaning ladies could clean my mess up.

Now, this is a emo post but it is all about all the emotions you can feel and how you can feel them all at one. I am happy, relieved, sad and exhausted. I feel like i do not want to come out from under the covers because it feels like Brazil's fire tornado is waiting for me outside. This feeling reminds me of Dido's 'Sand in my Shoes' song, where she does not want to unpack so she can forget for one more night that she is back.

So right now i am going to hide from reality for a little while longer; stay under my covers and pretend that I am not here.

Naomi Campbell

So, Supermodel Naomi Campbell was called to testify at the Hague for the war crimes trail of the former Liberian president, Charles Taylor. Naomi Campbell was VERY unwilling to come and testify saying it was a 'nuisance' to have to go! In addition, she refused to have any of her testimony filmed or pictures taken, and she brought her own legal team to 'protect her'. When testifying, she has given a testimony in contradiction to Mia Farrow and her former assistance Carole White.

Now, Naomi Campbell could be the link to put Taylor is jail for funding the blood diamond trade in Sierra Leone. The conflict and trade of blood diamonds was horrific- people died, raped, hand chopped off, child soldiers, massive human rights abuse and war crimes! And if the ICC could connect Taylor to funding this, it would put this dictator and war crimes criminal behind bars for life, which would be a huge triumph for justice and human rights everywhere! How any rational person, i would assume, would be more than willing to help this cause!

But, not Naomi Campbell. Campbell has been said to have received diamonds from Taylor at a charity party in South African in 1997, which would connect him to buying diamonds and trading. Now two people have confirmed seeing her get diamonds but she first denied it by saying she received a large bag of 'stones' from an unknown person. She did not know these were diamonds and she did nothing with these stones. Then it changed that she knew it was diamonds and gave them to the Nelson Mandela charity...but this was denied by the charity. So what actually happened?!? Apparently, Campbell received a big uncut diamond and kept it with her. But she denies this.

Now i ask you, if she was innocent, why the hoo-haa about coming to testify...you were innocent and nothing happened. So, it leads you to think that she did receive a diamond. If she did, for goodness sakes...tell them because you could be the final fundamental link between Taylor and the blood diamond trade! And this is a good thing! So what are you worried about? Your reputation...well you are a 'past your prime' supermodel who has earned a reputation that, i certainly think, would destroy any hope of ever being a respectable person. Are you worried about your safety and your family...fair enough, you are dealing with a serious issue and a serious dictator. But still....for once in your worthless life, do something right. Either you received the diamonds or your didn't. If you did, you are a fool who should have known better than to a) take anything from such a terrible man and b)not tell someone about these diamonds which you should have known, or what have known sometime later (if you had a brain) were blood diamonds.

Now, we have all seen the movie 'Blood Diamond' and know about the brutality of the conflict and the diamond trade. So, all i can say is that if i ever met Naomi Campbell, i would spit on her face because if Charles Taylor walks away free, it will be her fault for covering up the only evidence there is to put him behind bars!

Now, this may be one-sided and this is the story of how I understand it and I, obviously, think she is guilty. So, this is just my two-cents...agree or disagree, but i think it is very suspicious behaviour from Naomi Campbell.

The Cape Town Book Fair

So, on Saturday I went to the Cape Town Book Fair (alone because all my friends have gone overseas!).

I have been twice before and this year was quite disappointed. There were not as many stalls as usual and, most significantly, there was no exclusive books stall. Apparently, there has been some conflict among the organisers and shops which led to Penguin and Jacana both pulling out. There were a lot of South Korean, Chines, Arab and Japanese stalls, which is weird because really...the majority of South African's cannot speak any of those languages. I have come to realise that the book fair is not a place for a public nobody in the publishing world but for people to try find publishers and authors to get published and people to advertise and launch books.

Nevertheless, I went to two talks. There were not many to choose from and definitely not many interesting ones. One talk was a launch of the UKZN press book 'The Curse of Berlin: Africa after the Cold War' by Adekeye Adebajo (who is a very prominent scholar), which was very interesting and looks at Africa's problems with integration and how this is not the solution for Africa and how Africa needs a new regional leader to unite it. Something like that; very interesting and i recommend you take a look at it. The other talk was by the HSRC Press on the book 'Trade Unions and Party Politics', which was not so interesting but then again trade union and me are not academic friends.

I did find UCT Press, which is a first. I have always heard they existed but did not know who or where they were. They have some very interesting books coming out. The academic press stands were there in full force, and despite the resigning of both UKZN and HSRC Press' publicity/press directors, they had some good books, a good stand and the usual schmoozing of people.

All in all, the food was bad, there were no real bargains on books and there was not much to see. So, if you did not make it this year, do not despair because it was nothing to marvel at.