this is dedicated to anyone who has ever had to think up a dissertation topic

So, it has come to be that time of the year again...thesis time! And what is the first step in writing a thesis...coming up with a topic and that is the point I am at right now. I actually wish that my supervisor would tell me what he was interested in and then I would do that! How am I supposed to know what I am a)interested in, b) that is not out of my depth, c) is specific enough to do in a few months and d) can be done in 25 000 words...and not to mention e) GET A GOOD MARK! AHHHH!

There are several fears that attacked a student trying to write a thesis and one of the major fears is the fear that everyone else knows exactly what they are doing and you do not. This is not a feeling specific to thesis writing...think about. No one ever wants to be the kid that is chosen last; the one who is the slowest; the one who gets the answer wrong. No one wants to be the kid who hasn't got a clue while surrounded by people who do. That is what happened this morning...

This morning I had two meetings- one with my thesis group and convernor and the other with my supervisor. The first one rendered me shaking in my seat because I felt like everyone else was so much further than I was...they had concrete ideas and plans and knew what to do.... whilst I had a vague place of interest but no actual examples or links or anything. My convernor tried to give me ideas, but i walked out of that meeting thinking I was doomed!

The next meeting I was terrified of. My supervisor is a very impressive, high profile law God who has never met or taught me. All I could think was..."try sound smart!" but that is kind of hard when you have no clue what you are doing! EEK! Anyway, my fears were unnecessary because he was a great guy who gave me good ideas. And I walked away with hope and anticipation to go and read all about these ideas.

Now, as I sit at my laptop googling anything and everything transitional justice related, I wonder how many people at this present moment are doing exactly the same thing and thinking they too are doomed! I bet it is millions across the world...and each one of those millions sit and thinking...."Why does everyone else know what they want to do except me!!"

The academic life...definitely not for the faint hearted!